Mother

Editor's Note:   this is the tribute I ended up writing, based on the collection of stories I included in the previous post.  It was hastily written the days leading up to her funeral.   A blur in many ways, and yet it also feels like it happened just a little while ago.

Mother

Although words such as kind, loving, thoughtful and guiding are often used to describe one's mother, I feel a more appropriate word for my mom is dedicated.   Now, of course, she was loving, helping and guiding ect but her dedication God, her work, her family and finally her battle against cancer are more appropriate to write about.

She displayed her dedication to God by attending worship throughout her life, singing in the choir, teaching Sunday School and assisting with the Christian education program.

Her dedication to her worked should through.   Throughout her numerous jobs, I can always remember her fussing about her work, yet she'd turn around the very next day and go in early to help out or stay late to finish up "just one more letter.".   When she was finally forced to leave her work due to her illness, I can recall the emptiness.

Her family dedication was seen in her always striving to provide a home that was full of love, happiness and support.   She was always there for Dad, Laura and myself by providing all of our needs plus numerous wants. Although mom, I am still wanting my Excalibur.

Her family values extended beyond the immediate family to include outsiders.   Not too many women would open their home to 7 crazy college junior nursing students.   The assorted adopted kids she picked up along the way along with the subsequent grandchildren are further evidence of her dedication to family.

Her final dedication is seen in her long 4.5 year battle with cancer.   From that first diagnosistic test when were were all told how severe it was through the last hospitalization and hospice involvement her constant cry was "I'm going to beat this.".   Although there were certainly bad days, I can proudly claim the happy days certainly outweight the down days.   She used all types of ways to remain upbeat, the most used one being humor.

I recall one memorable day when she cam upstairs after a shower, shed her towel to show a bald head and calmly asked our family friend, Kelly Nygaard, if she had time to give Mom a cut, curl and rinse before Mom and Barb (Kelly's mom) went out for the evening.

It is her dedication that got her through all of this.   I hope and pray that Laura and I inherited some of that dedication.

And hey, Honey, you finally are home!

Editor's update
I wrote this at the tender age of 22, just months after finishing college.   I look at it and am impressed with my maturity and yet also struck by the style of writing I used.   Still rather collegiate vs. what I now prefer as a more casual style of story telling.   I guess these days I'm more worried about telling the story than writing an essay for a college.   Our styles change:   not just fashion but also writing style as well.

I would like to believe that I have taken lessons from my mom's playbook:   dedicating myself to God, family and community.   We shall see when my story telling days come to a close, and the tributes flow in, if others perceive me to be this way.   But for now, I try live a life filled with hope that I am honoring my mom's memory and following in the path she creating.   And just as she scribbled little notes on the back of pictures, making sure her stories are being remembered, I too will continue to tell the stories....as I recall them to be true (which means there could be a bit of embellishing happening from time to time...)

Family traits

We know genetics has a hand in how we may physically favor one parent over the other.   But what about other traits such as a sense of humor?   Both of my parents enjoy a good laugh, as do I and so do my two boys.   

Memory Tribute April 1988

Again, as I sorted through my box of stuff, I found notes I had written for my mother's memorial.   I ended up writing up something, that I'll add at a later date.   But I found these handwritten notes and story ideas too good to be forgotten.

Help Wanted

When Dad (Richard) had lost his job at St. Joes, the tension some days would rise very high.   One Sunday afternoon, Mom (Audrey) noticed an ad for the Green Door in Cheyenne.   They needed dancers.   Now it is important to note that the Green Door was the local girlie dance bar.   Audrey went on to comment "Hmm, I could get a job there.   Just imagine the tips I would make when those drunks saw me take it ALL off, including my boob (she was post-mastectomy).

Martha and Audrey ready for the Rose Bowl January 1987

Fickle Women

Grandma Irene loves to tell the story about how Audrey  when was a little girl, she would come stomping into the house announcing that "i don't EVER want to play with David Krenke again!"   Moments later, Audrey would return asking ever so politely "Can I go over to David's house and play?"

Audrey on the farm, age and date unknown

Nicknames

Audrey and her mom used to always come up with some type of nickname for Audrey's latest love.   There was Teddy Bear, Collar Chewer and other names since forgotten.   But then, Audrey brought over this nice young man named Richard.   Seems Irene was at a loss for coming up with a nickname for Richard.   It was at that point that both Irene and Audrey realized this Richard fella was likely a keeper if they couldn't come up with a silly nickname.   It should be noted that Audrey continued with this tradition of naming the beaus that my sister and I came home with.   Sadly, she always found a name for them.   I am quite confident that if she were to have lived to meet her son in laws, she too would have been at a loss for giving them a nickname.

Audrey and Irene, August 1959

Merry Christmas

Audrey and Richard came home from the 1981 WA Kreuger Christmas part after a full evening of libation.  (yes, before we all became worried about DUIs, both Audrey and Richard were known to have enjoyed a drink or two).   Laura had received a Christmas greeting from her friend, Mitsu.   Mitsu had been an exchange student the year before but was now back home in Japan.   Audrey refused to go to bed, until Laura had picked up the phone and attempted to obtain a phone number through information.

Audrey in Waukesha, early 1980s

Hot Buttered Buns

Family celebrations such as birthdays and holidays always included Audrey's trade mark baked goods.   One such gathering took a turn to the endless state of giggles when Audrey passed the tray to her nephew, Craig who remarked that his aunt's "hot buttered buns were the best".   Without missing a beat, Audrey cautioned her nephew not to get the seat dirty with "his hot buttered buns".   The conversation continued until everyone was at the table, making some bun reference, much to the dismay of some of the more serious relatives as the table.

Laura, Audrey, George B and Barb N circa 1980

Laura, Cousin Ann and Audrey circa 1981

But Don't Tell your Father

One of Audrey's major roles (as is the case for many moms I suspect) was to mediate between father and children.   Richard was more the disciplinarian where as Audrey was clearly pegged by my sister and I as being more of the softer sell.  While in college, on a couple occasions, one of us would receive a check from Mom with the simple note of "Don't tell your dad".   She would then cover her tracks, and remove all evidence that such a check had been sent.   Nothing in the registry and she would remove the carbon.  (this was pre-online banking as well, so no digital trail was needed).  But, once Audrey passed away, Richard was stuck trying to reconcile her bank balance.   Gee Dad, we really wish we could tell you, but you know, Mom said don't tell!  

Audrey and Richard, Salt Lake City UT, Easter 1984

Female Ingenuity

One of the many cross country trips we made as a family, we experienced a little bit of car trouble.   We were traveling in two cars:   Richard and Laura had already left the rest area with the Uhaul with Martha and Audrey following behind in the car.   About five miles after we left, the car started to experience major problems.   Audrey pulled over and a friendly trucker driver soon stopped to help.   The driver quickly identified the problem as being a broken fan belt.  He offered to drive ahead and track Richard down (editors note:   this was the 1970s, long before cell phones had reached the scene).   Meanwhile, a second trucker stopped and said "That's an easy fix, do you have some cord?".   Why yes she did, as she remembered the cord from the laundry bag.   Scissors?   Why of course, every woman has nail clippers in her purse.   Soon this trucker was able to take the drawn string from the laundry bag and sent Martha and Audrey on their merry way.   In the meantime, Richard returns, with a fan belt in his hand, only to be passed by a smiling and waving Audrey!

Exploring AZ summer 1971

Sing that song again

Audrey and Richard enjoyed playing cards with their friends, Barb and Obie.   One unfortunate game was not going very well for Audrey.   After going set for the 4th time, she screamed at Richard "You two tailed *&!@@ $#@@@ SOB Jack Ass.   From a back bedroom, Little Kurt (Barb and Obie's oldest son) respoded "Sing that Song Again Auntie Audrey!"

Laura and Martha with Kurt and Kristin Nygaard circa 1968

In the closet

Audrey used to always enjoy spying on her older sister Phyllis especially when Phyllis and her cousin Zona Mae would be telling stories.   But as we all know, older sisters often term these tag along actions as pesty.   Family rumor has it that on one occasion, Audrey snuck in the closet of the room where the gals were gossiping.   But, as luck would have it, Audrey had to go to the bathroom really bad.   Not wanting to be discovered, she took one of her sister's shoes and completed her business.   One wonders what Phyllis must have thought when she went to put on her shoes and they were damp.

Audrey getting ready to sing in the choir at Hope Church, Wolf River Wisconsin date and age unknown

Editor's Reflections

As I read over these long forgotten stories, I am reminded of what a sense of humor Audrey had.   Sometimes my own memories become clouded and I think of her as being more serious.   But that is hardly the case.   And I see so many of her actions in my own actions as a parent.   I too am the mediator at times between my boys and their dad.   I enjoy a good pun and ineundo just as my mom did with her bun jokes (Hello, I work with high school kids, you've got to be able to laugh).   She used humor as a coping mechanism and a way to deflect the tension.   Oh how I wonder what it would have been liking, growing older with my mom by my side....I suspect she'd be getting quite the laugh out of watching me navigate this parenting path.   I love you mom, and miss your twinkling eyes and smirky smile!

Audrey in Wyoming mid 1980s

Grandma's Wisdom

It is always interesting to sort through a bin and discover what things have "made the cut" through previous attempts at reducing clutter.   One note caught my eye.   I clearly remember getting it, during those middle school years filled with angst and self doubt.   What a timely discovery!   As I am now the parent of a 14 year old, a young man who has spent a fair amount of time this summer trying to figure out what he stands for and what constitutes a good friend.  

My sister, my cousin and my grandma circa 1969

There is no date on the letter, only the handwritten Sunday.   Yes, I suspect my mother Audrey had made her weekly phone call to her mom and shared with her some update about myself.

Here is what Grandma Irene writes:

Dear Martha,
How is it going with you?   Do you have your Levis already?   Your mom told me the kids were picking on you because you didn't have some.  

Now Martha, I don't know everything.   Not even very much, but I have lived a long time and this I know:   That when anyone "picks" on another, it is simply because that person is jealous of something the other is or has that she doesn't have or isn't.   You can bet that you are or have something at least one of the kids would very much like to have or be.

And you know what else?   I just head a pastor say on the radio that the greatest gift anyone can have is a loving heart and that you have.   You are greatly blessed.   Never forget that.

I have my cast off now and although my wirst and hand are quite swollen yet, I can knit again.   So if you have found a scarf patter you like, send it to me or let me know where I can find it.   I may go to New London this week and I will look for one there if it isn't too cold.

Love
Grandma

Grandma and some of us Grands...August 1981, her 75th birthday

You know it's summer vacation...

When I dust off the scanner and return to this project.   It seems July is when I get nostalgic and think I really need to try to untangle that mess of loose photos and randoms scans.   With only a week or so left of summer vacation, I'm making no guarantees how long I'll stick with it, or how much time I can dedicate to this project but hey's it's worth a shot.   A few stories here and there, bit by bit, I'll get some order to these family stories.

So, what's sparked this latest desire to update the blog?  Well, my Uncle Royal (my maternal uncle by marriage) has been working on a family memoir for his children.   However, the details of the Bohren side of the family were limited so they asked for input from Richard.   Richard chimed in with a very thoughtful recollection of his early years with his soon to be inlaws that I thought I'd update.

Richard writes:

I of course came into Irene's life about 25 years after Clarence died, and you probably know, death ends a life but it does not end a relationship.  We pick up the cards and play our hand the best we can.

Clarence Bohren (6.26.1907-8.1943)

Irene, to my recollection always spoke affectionately of Clarence.   And she spoke of him fairly often, and always in terms of what we did, what we would have done and always with a positive tone.

I recall Irene mentioning the dance hall at Orihula and that Clarence was either a bouncer (sometimes called a floor manager) or a bar tender.

Orihula Dance hall circa 1940s (courtesy google images)

  Irene would sometime join him and these were special times spent away from the work of the farm.   In fact, this is the only recreation I recall Irene talking about.   That and of course shopping trip to Appleton, the nearest big city to their farm in Winnebago County.

I think Irene enjoyed doing a man's work.   The Farm, and keeping it going, through the Depression, alone, raising three kids.   She had no choice but to step in the harness and keep going.

(photo courtesy google images)

  I do not know why, but I have the sense that Clarence was the less "driven".   I recall conversations about "robbing the cradle.   I believe Clarence was two years younger than Irene.   So, maybe she was a bit like the FFA adviser "Being older, I am called up as the need arises to advise and assist.   I hope my advice will always be based on true knowledge and ripened with wisdom".  

The Bohren farm passes from Clarence's parents to Irene and Clarence, an only child by virtue of a land contract.   That written contract specified that Clarence and Irene provided for the needs of Clarence's parents.   This included lodging, utilities, food from the garden and meal/milk from the farm.  

Young Clarence and his parents,Pauline and Fredrick Bohren, circa 1908

I recall there were pocket doors between Irene's living space and that of Clarence's parents.   How would you like to have your in laws on the other side of the door, year in and year out?.   When the kids would ask if they needed to be quiet, the reply was "No, Grandma is sleeping on her good ear.".   While there may have been a note of resentment, the sense of duty always trumped it.

Good times included visits with the neighbors, many of whom were relatives.  The Hoffburgers, the Hahns, Fricks, distant second cousins, Clarence and Irene Reuter from West Allis Wisconsisn.  Their daughter, Zona was a childhood friend of Phyllis and Audrey.

Irene's daughters, Audrey and Phyllis with most likely cousin Zona

 I do not recall mention of travel, honeymoon, vacation or celebrations.   Christmas began on December 24th, when they went shopping for a Christmas tree and gifts.   Gifts were often items needed such as socks and underwear.   The tree remained up but the celebration was over the day after Chrstimas.

Willard Rickman became a part of the family as a hired man.   Actually, he was much more, maybe like a son.   He made it possible for Irene to continue farming and eventually work off the farm.  Here she continued to do a "man's work with spot welding and stretching casket springs.   She was always known for being on the go from morning til night.   A work horse in the harness.   But she silently enjoyed the show horse also.   A new tractor, a sporty Pontiac car and a photo of her and Clarence, dressed up and with a big silk flower corsage are a few of my memories.

 Editors Notes:
The town of Wolf River remains. It rests just south of Fremont on the northwest corner of Winnebago County.   Appleton is about 20 miles east and Lake Poygan is just south of this community.  Originally inhabited by members of the Menomonee Tribe, many German immigrant families settled here and farmed the land.

  Today, there are fewer families farming the land and instead the area along the river is dotted with a host of weekend homes.  Orihula remains a thriving business, serving as the central location for surrounding families.   Orihula first opened in 1918 as a general store and tavern.   Soon, the owners Magnus and Alma Bartel added a dance hall that served as a popular destination for local residents.   In the 1950s, beer was 0.15 each or 7 for $1.   In the 1960s, Cliff and Judy Hahn purchased the business and renamed it Hahnalula.   The name pays tribute to the Orihula name (a Menomonee Indian name) and recognizes the contributions made by the Hahn family through the many years.

Photo taken during a luncheon September 2013.

I recall visits to see Irene as a young child and adult.   A treat was having lunch at Hahnalula.   As a kid, I didn't make a connection that this place was named after the Hahn family.   Instead, I associated it with going on an island adventure, aka Honolulu Hawaii and always assumed this was a Wisconsin humor play on words about it being a resort much like the tropical destination in Hawaii.   Oh the things one learns as you grow up and ask for the rest of the story....